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Rozanne Paxman
Set Yourself on Fire
Food was everywhere. Plates of salads filled long sideboards. Pans full of casseroles, vegetables, and fruit covered every table. Pitchers of wonderful drink concoctions and tantalizing desserts crammed the remaining flat surfaces.
The room was packed with people. Everyone seemed to be having a wonderful time. Everyone was eating, drinking, talking, and laughing. Everyone, that is, but me.
I felt invisible. Nobody looked at me, acknowledged me, and I wasn't invited to eat. After a while, I decided that I'd had enough of the situation, so I started to leave.
As I walked through the building, I was overwhelmed with the amount of food everywhere – even in very unusual places such as a stairwell which was lined with mashed potatoes.
When I arrived at the exit, I saw that my brother-in-law was serving roast beef. I told him that I was leaving. He looked at me, didn't say anything, and went back to his guests.
Right as I was leaving the building, I looked to the right and saw a small tray piled with lemon bars. I was so hungry that I decided to take a few with me, so I stacked five or six in my hand. Because I didn't have a plate or napkin, my hand got sticky.
As I went out the door, I was greeted by a cheering crowd of reporters, photographers, and onlookers. I asked someone what was happening, and he said, "You took some! You took some! You reached out and took them! You stopped waiting for someone to give you something to eat. You took control of your own life. You stopped feeling sorry for yourself. We're so proud of you!"
It was at this point that I woke up.
I spent a good deal of time that morning considering the message of my dream. My attention was brought to some worries I've had, and I realized that I was being told that I should not worry so much that I fail to act. There is plenty for all. God has an endless bounty and doesn't run out of blessings. Life is not a zero-sum game in which some people get everything while others get nothing.
But no one gives us everything we want. We have to reach out, make an effort, and try. Sometimes the process of reaching is difficult and even a little messy. But if we are willing to open our minds to the idea that we have to try, we can move ahead.
Did this dream have an impact on me? You bet it did.
I've had a few projects that I had been considering for a number of years, but I hadn't started them yet. I felt overwhelmed by the amount of work that would be required to finish them, and I didn't know if I was up to the effort. My dream made me realize that I really didn't have room to complain to Heavenly Father about my situation if I wasn't willing to work on all of the ideas He blesses me with. Maybe they won't be successful. Maybe they will. But regardless of the outcome, I can feel good about doing my best.
Our life could be compared to rowing a boat. If we fail to act then expect God – or anyone else – to take care of us, we are only using one oar. If we try to do it all by ourselves, we are only using one oar. The problem with only using one oar is that you tend to go around in circles or off course because the oar pulls you to one side. But if we use two oars, we move forward with strength.
So what did I do? I went downstairs, got out my notebook, planned out my first project, and started working at it. I started trying.
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"Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire."
– Reggie Leach
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Photo by Kaye Collins. It was a happy accident that occurred on July 4, 2010. I'm so tickled that she shared it with me.
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